Wisher Of The Better

2010-05-10T20:28:00.001+08:00

Hi guys, I've moved.. Www.TheApplaused.blogspot.com

2010-05-09T23:28:00.005+08:00

Inferiority
You could say its a vainpost..a post i don't really want to be commented on

Its a feeling, its a fear, its a shock and a question why..
its like no matter how hard i try, i slam straight to the wall, and no, its not like minitoons which allows me to leave my shape with a hole behind..

Like most people would, my windows to the world started to close, secluding the world away, with a curtain call with no applause..

I have issues..

I think i'm lacking of much needed male genes too..
I'm pretty much useless, perhaps they were right all along...
Maybe if i reverted back, i would be much better
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Changing my blog link soon, as soon as i think of a name...

2010-05-09T23:09:00.002+08:00

A Legal Initiation

Happy birthday to you 3 legal humans, Richard,Trevor,Anthony

So all in all, we created like a massive haze from the bbq pit, ate about 100chicken mid joints, 100satays, 30hotdogs, 5stingrays, 10salmon sticks, beehoon, cake.. And spent the time slapping mosquitios, getting high from the lack of sleep and talking rubbish..

The carefree feeling was really awesome...

2010-05-05T21:36:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Trevor Teo! you noobbag!!

Okay, i am really super duper epic bad at saying words on celebration dates..
okok HAPPY 18 BIRTHDAY
Ok one more year before we know each other for a decade..
Ermmmm, TA DAHHHHH

2010-05-04T23:56:00.003+08:00

Back To The X

Sometimes, it just feels like i'm going back to the same point, i was so sure that i've moved a large distance away, but still the road led back to the same mark.
Perhaps its not all the same, maybe theres just so much things so similar that i throw myself back to where I came from...
You're just like medusa, everytime i look back, i get so drawn away and find myself frozen once again, you're like magic or you're like perfect..

The world just seem to want you to be tattooed forever on me, the reminders of remainders just flocks towards me per day, so rentlessly, like a revenge taken back, I believe they called it a taste of my own medication..

Its always easier when i do pretend play, pretend that i'm normal and play along like i always do.. At least, you'll be around when I do that..

I could list a thousand things about you that i love but there'll be a million things that i'll forget to say

I saw someone, who smiled like you, talked like you, moved like you, sized like you, but its not you, you're angeling over the other end...

2010-05-03T23:50:00.002+08:00

Yea i'm sick... i'm having chained sickness ever since i'm back from Europe..

I have no idea whats wrong idea, the only thing i can think of is that the food i ate rebelled against me for some reason =(, and i'm becoming like that goat...

I'm contemplating to stick a finger into my throat in an attempt to merlion things away, but i'm too afraid to do it =(......... Pamela doesn't know that we have that automatic puking button up in our throat... I wonder what she think bulimic is all this while..

i think theres probably an Auto bowel emptier button somewhere in our body, i mean if it comes out from our mouth, our ass probably has some kinda wiring similary right?

2010-04-29T01:04:00.003+08:00

I'm not exactly in the "good mood" these days, and now to add on just because of a moment of greed, i downed one stick of wonton at the pasar malam... and what do i get? A full body of rashes, disgusting rashes, mutated me to be a monster...

And sometimes some asses can be so impervious and just do things without considering other's feelings, yea gloating would give you real joy, go be a goat...

The Ignoring game? If I had a nickle for everytime it happens....
I'm just no good.. I know, i'm not a great person, I failed miserably in trying
People just doesn't like to give me the chance..

2010-04-27T00:33:00.003+08:00

Blur
I'm already tired of laughing like you're not on my mind..

Sometimes, I just wished you wouldn't get me all blurred up
Having delusions, illusions, confusions has been part of knowing you
leading me on and tossing me aside.. giving me dreams and crashing my hope
You're like a wind, come and go.. I'm also like a wind, persistently pushing
Maybe all you had to do was to break my heart...

Everytime I got so psyched up about going
Everytime I got so certain I was leaving
Everytime I got so confident of deceiving
Everytime I got so hardened to disappear
Everytime I got so focused on ignoring
Just a single appearence, word, sentence, question, greeting would crush me, melt me, make me drop back to the start..

It took me everything and all my focus to stay away, but you always had to distract me...
Then i get so messed up, so blurred up, so disrupted..

I'm probably just so screwed up, I just have no perserverence..

I text, I call, I write, I say, I type but you behave like I didn't... Was it because you didn't get it or was it because you chose not to get it.

I tried, I really Tried, the stupid things might be the things you call it, the small little insignificant things i do you might name it, the lousy wooing technique you might mention it.. I did it all, Everything that i thought you might like, i did it, i tried to make it happen.. You didn't have to love it all, you didn't have to return any of it.. All i wanted was alittle of your attention, abit of your appreciation, atad of your memory..But i couldn't see any signs of it.

Give me a sign?

- If you want me to stop, tell me that i could ( I could just be your friend )
- If you want me to carry on, tell me that i should ( I should be able to win you over )
- If you want me to wait, tell me that i might ( I might just wait till you say stop )

Honestly, i'm no longer clear on who am i directing this to.. I'm just empty inside perhaps..
I'm turning into a jerk like i was, thats how my distraught has damanged me..

I just wanna know, i'm already splitting inside

2010-04-26T00:58:00.002+08:00

Well you just got it, within a week to somehow make me crumble..
a affirmed resolution fell to your unnamed paragraph of words and a single request..
I'm not confident of how we'll do... but i'm so tempted to try..

Always having the ability to leave me stranded, no idea where to go or how to go
I'm always stuck.. Because i'm not easy to please? or was it because i wanted too much?
i said i would forget, i said i would leave, i said so, but i'm falling back because it took too much out of me..Save me?

2010-04-22T18:50:00.003+08:00

If you were refering to me.. you're wrong, i'm just tired of always chasing and never finding.. but you're prolly not since, you've been shunning me, disappeared.

Nahs i'm not gonna blog about europe, its too much and i'll never remember the exact things, the photos are proof and you could find them on facebook...My camera only took the scenic shots though..

2010-04-22T18:22:00.002+08:00

A Simple Like

Repeatedly till its countless
i heard it all, and fought it off
unable and never to escape this curse
a cure for it never been solve

I lay awake in the pool of memories
pounding against the inner of my chest
where pain begun and started to feast
a symptom you'll never guess

Clutched to my head
the pair of solemn hands
the tears mixed in sweat lined in a bead
struggling to forget in the time of sands

Years went by being named stupid
not to deny, a synonym of a truth
who to blame but the stained self cupid
ran so far and disappeared without proof

Familiarity of you were the ruins left
as every pieces seemed to link without flaw
perhaps i missed with the remains too heft
but i slowly lost what i used to saw

I calmed the fevorish fever
with years it painstakingly took
looked across what i defined never
found a glimmer of heaven with that look

Along with the spins of the hands
I slowly forget what i held so tight
with a miracle the hole begun to mend
mocking the decending stairs in height

How could one so perfect be allowed to live
never had i seen someone so ideal
everything i had, i could give
yet all i had was all you would kill

A facade I paraded to hide the shattered
planned a scheme to make it work out
inside i knew was a lie for me it catered
i never understood in the end whats it about

It became abandoned and uncharted
the places that had your names written all over
my eyes scan and everywhere it darted
with you i was drunk and now i'm sober

I left the carnival exhausted
we played too much on the carousle
dizzied with question i fostered
and with a heart slightly wish to fold

A normalty you have became
like with glue, its too attached
not too different and pretty much the same
you threw nothing but the balls i catched

Love was too strong of a word to use
like was an understatment to express
for you i fell head over heels
but in the finale it fell less

Morning call you would call it
a wake up you didn't expect
it tangles up the inside with a hit
turning the brain to a wreck

Filled with denial, it rejects the thought
yet with tiredness, it welcomed the new
unsure to the fact of what you firstly sought
wondering with a needle with a stich it sew

Time to close a chapter i demanded
end it all to begin a new fairytale
but with a history, how was i to handled
there wasn't any hearts up for sale

Densed as i lost my sense
led to believe without a clue
an attack i hardly survived without defense
there wasn't anyone else but i asked who

Illusions of you on my back
now i wanted to let go to take a rest
but always a way you abled to track
in me a scar, a tattoo with you crested

There was so much more i could go on
how was i ever to end then
so i leave it for me to wonder upon
how to fix this enormous dent

Along another come just in time
too perfect for the world of reality
the blurred vision started to chime
i wavered at the loyalty

The tip of the rope i was at
required more strength then i could muster
dragged along in the tracks i let
additional pieces added on to the cluster

Helpless without hopes i stay
pondering whenever i had my mind
was i to stay or to fray
i wished again to give me a sign behind

Burried in the misery i curled up
confused with so many ways to go
resembled an overflown cup
without a handle to be hold

Eyes awake i stare
with no conclusions i came out with
perhaps no longer should i care
alone by myself i could live

Maybe by myself i could
Maybe by myself i should
Maybe by myself i would
Maybe by myself i suit

I'm tired

It takes every focus of mine to pry you away
drained every inch of my soul
till you take a step i shall stay
yet take too long, i might go...

2010-04-18T03:37:00.000+08:00

Yea i'm back in one piece..

2010-03-22T02:38:00.002+08:00

Met

First a step, but second to freeze
cross my heart which you start to seize
Unclear of the my obvious fact
or just playing dumb to take steps back

We met with a fall with memories fell
but i didn't predict a predicament
with a suffocating feeling i lived to tell
for it has came and went with the commitment

A few days of intimacy which lasted through
unknowing of the coldness that laid beyond
yet smitten by you a love concoction brew
laid down and dreamt about you who i grew fond

For a sake i believed unsure
a confusion i seeked to pure
For it to disappear or to start anew
a continuous heartwrenching feel

Till today it remained a question
with all but a common fashion
made tales fabricated to cushion
but truth and false came to a fusion
till today it remained a confusion

your sole existence proved substantial
like butterflies i begun to flutter
with all my beliefs of our potential
which ended melting like butter

Misery was an indifferent emotion
as slowly i lost your quotients
little of how i had you in reality
even less of you in virtuality

They said love was a blind
never once i believed that myth
all the factors aside i heave
yet it closes without your find

I never told you due to uncertainty
terrified of how we might finish
afraid to tell was it real
But what if i left and didn't say
What if i left and you would never know

I still can't comprehend, I can't forget her and I can't forgo you
I can't go after either, for it'll only end up in messes, but i've become a mess

I'll leave you to decode this while i leave for Europe for about a month.. I've still haunted by a bad hunch that i developed months ago, i don't know how it'll end up, but thank you everyone for the wishes.. I'll be back in a month, and you'll have to bear with me again =D

~See You Soon~

2010-03-21T04:01:00.002+08:00

A Friday Night

If only you'll leave the door slightly ajar for me

The perhaps I wouldn't be melting and bitten off that much

Caught 2 movies..

1: Book of Eli - wasn't that great as expected, but i suppose if it wasn't all about a bible, it might be better off.. 1.5/5

2: Alice In Wonderland - Couldn't catch it in 3d which would make it much much better, so would sitting in some row that isn't the 2nd row.. Pretty interesting for someone who have no knowledge of the details in the story 2.5/5

Last Train-ed to Joel's House, had a pretty great time, learned a new game that would definitely prove to be useful..

I didn't know why, but somehow, you were in my mind pretty much the whole day today..

2010-03-21T00:36:00.002+08:00

Reassembling The Pieces

You never noticed but I was always there, looking from a distance, ready to shield you if you ever needed..
You never understood but I was always there, waiting by the phone, ready to entertain you if you ever needed..
You never saw but I was always there, making everything right, ready to make you smile if you ever needed..
You never felt but I was always there, being at your side, ready to love you if you ever needed..
But did you ever know how suffocating it is, to always be there while you keep fading away, to watch me fail again and again even when i didn't make any mistakes..

I'm feeling this way, when i'm still stuck halfway in the past... I'm certain, I just need your extra pull.
There doesn't mean that there isn't tears behind my smiles..its because my tears I was able to smile
I know it won't work out..I know we can't..I know we're far too different..I know you have someone else

2010-03-19T01:55:00.002+08:00

Charles and Keith Warehouse Sales..

It was a pretty great experience there, awesome people, epic situations and uncanny bitchings..

Well its a bittersweet departure...

2010-03-17T01:15:00.002+08:00

The ride seems longer without you
You didn't seem too happy with me, It almost seems like i'm nothing to you, but then why do you think of me at times, when you no longer reply, I'm just can't be the one.. Right?
I always plan what to do, what to say, but always thrown to an abyss of blanks when you stand before me, then i'll regret and wish i had a time machine, I just can't do the right thing.. Right?
I tried to always make it right, closest to perfection, forming it to be flawless, but it always ended up so damanged, with so much accumulated regrets, I just can't make you turn your head.. Right?
We always tried to talk, but then we'll find out that we have nothing to, then we'll usually come out with an excuse or just leave without any sound or movement, we disappear in the midst and then we wouldn't appear till long after, I just don't intrigue you anymore..Right?
I'm questioning the fact of how easy you could carry on without my existence, you could just be how you are, how you were, how you would have been even without me you'll still be happy, without me, you'll still have it all right, so perhaps,even if i disappear, you might not notice, I' just can't be more than anjust n extra.. Right?

2010-03-14T00:27:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA!!

Today was a failure, I planned, I made, I rushed, I forced, I plead, I panic, I wanted it to turn out flawlessly, but Today wasn't a fairytale, but a failure...

It was suppose to turn out just nice, me being there, you turning up soon, I'll get you things, we'll laugh and i was gonna steal your first hug

I got it all pieced out, all except your only piece that you didn't give... So tomorrow, couldn't it be better and let me have it my way??

I may be stupid and requited, but at least, let me have a chance to be all that..
Its my feelings, bundled together in it, please understand..

2010-03-10T22:06:00.003+08:00

I've been pondering while staring at this page for a few days already, wondering what could i blog without any feeling of boredom or dreadfulness..
.
.
Okay heres the update, i've started working already at Charles and Keith, the packing job isn't really hard but just that its never ending + the visible Mount Everest pile of work just makes it pretty terrible, i'm pretty hungry and drained when i reach home thus the reluctancy to blog, the only thing that made work better was the random crappings and lamenting with collegues
.
.
Today i was released at 2pm in order to gain some rest for tomorrow, but i suppose that it wasn't what they would wish for when i was practically out the whole day..
.
Was out with Trevor firstly to HighstreetCentre (Clarke Quay) to attempt to get my camera fixed but to their knowledge, they moved to Rivervalley,
.
so we took a bus there just to know that my camera wouldn't be worth fixing so i could only trade in and add some cash for a brand new camera..
.
After leaving the building with an excuse to reconsider, we headed down to bugis to Finally collect a present before heading to Illuma for dinner at a Japanese restaurant (BenTendo [nopes not the cartoon])
.
Headed to Pennisula to search for TV's raglan to no avail of the correct size..
Then I end up infront of my com's birthday..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUVEE ZINT, you'll forever be my great lappy!!

I hope you'll love it just like how i wish you'll love me
I think i'll just be more likely to fall in love as you become more and more of my "type"...

2010-03-06T01:54:00.005+08:00

Empty

Today, i felt like a transparent mirrored box.. The feeling was intense, and i couldn't form exact descriptions, empty would be the closest i could derive from.. Things seemed all so fragile, easy come and easier to go, nothing seemed that steady for me to get a grip on anymore, time didn't seem free at all, i'm insecured by the amount of plans i had done, i'm unsure if its the best alternative, its all planned and backing out isn't an option but then so why do i feel lost? Something uncomfortable is residing in my chest yet i can't put it into words or actions...What is it?? Empty?

Maybe its because i hadn't done what i wanted for a long time but only following trails that were already made, never got to, never had the chance, never asked, never answered, never responded and probably never reciprocated.

I kinda want to see hayley now when i finally can't

You don't have to read these, its just a weird dream that you won't understand..

I had this dream when everyone wasn't who they were..

I was driven in a car to school, yet i was allowed to keep the car, after things ended, i was forced to offer, no i wasn't even offering but everyone seemed to settle themselves into the car when i got there, i was standing outside before i got all of them out.. Then i got a text from E, saying she was coming to get a ride and i said ok, the driver seat was taken by a pri.school friend i reckon before i kicked her out, taking the seat beside A which started nagging at me fiercely, her words don't sound like any words but i could feel the fustration for some reason.. Awhile later E got in by the left back door, saying Hey~, then P and T came from the right back door to sit down, they didn't do much except for saying hi to E... After awhile, i recalled that i wasn't able to drive, i didn't know how yet everyone seemed to depend on me like i was the last transport available.. For some reason, we went to T's house, before i left, i told E to stay in the car, i'll be right back, she agreed and smiled back... Upon reaching T's house, we got lost in snacks for awhile before i started to ask T's parents if they were able to drive us using my car, with a negative answer, i sat back in the empty living room with the rest, for some reason, i was depressed and fustrated, feeling useless, T suddenly reminded me that his sis could drive, so we approached F, but she was study hard, too hard to accept my request, I then suddenly reminded of E, i ran back to where she was while trying to call her, the sky turned from amber orange to dark black while i saw E standing beside the car, she asked me why did i took so long and if we could go now, then i broke down apologizing, i had no means to, i didn't possess the ability to do so...

.maybe i really left a hole in where my heart was

These were the only details i could vision back in reference to my dreams...

was it telling me something? was it a reflection of something? did it cause today?

2010-03-04T23:08:00.002+08:00

Valentine's Day and Percy Michael Jackson and the Lightning Thief

Nice

2010-03-02T11:15:00.011+08:00

Love is like Hate, its both overrated and used too simply.
I hadn't use those words for a long time, and I don't know when can I..

-----------------------It blured up like how I did too..

I remember, the previous 4 years, this time would be my most flustered period, its already 2nd of march, i'm unready, unprepared, indecisive of what to do, its pretty much 3 days away and i haven't crack the brightest and best solution out of its shell, just a little something that i would do just for you at that point of time, just a little try to make you fall for me ever so slightly, just a little attempt to savage this disintegrating pieces of what we've left after the time you silently vanished away with a string of text strung together and a letter of rejection to a confession i didn't make..

By this time, i'll be thinking of all the possibilities that i could make that one day special for you, that one chance to actually prove something i would do for you.. Then i would come out with something i'm certain all your previous hadn't done so, and then i'll be vacuumed into my own personal fantasy world, replaying how the scenario would unfold and reveal itself... However, somewhere deep down in my heart and brain, i know its not possible, i know its not going to work, i know it isn't even going to miracle-ly happen, that explains and further elaborate by the summary of how i have to pass through others just to give you something filled with my affection then, i can't even catch any glimpse of you, you don't know it but i was always waiting while thinking of you, just sitting there blankly trying to wait for you even though i never knew if you were even going, but i was always there, always with hope and always gone with my head hung low..

That time, i think i did really got smitten that period of time, i think you were everywhere in my heart, now i think you're just everywhere in my head..

Now, i don't feel it anymore, that confusion and mind blowing task of thinking of what to do for you, just for you.. this time, in the end, i suppose that i could hand it to you in person finally, but it wouldn't be the same anymore.. Because if its not real, you won't see it in my eyes

Correction, i do think of something to do, something unique, but just not for you anymore, and i'm not doing it in the end, because i don't want her to run away just like you did..Even if i don't know, you're in my heart or are you in my head and neither if she is just an excuse or another heartbreaking incident...But either way, my life wouldn't have been the same without you, i'm really enthralled to have met you.. i'm just unsure if i'm ready to move on..

I'm still too unsure and insecured to go or to leave..

You or you? I'm far too clouded to carry on i think..
What happens when i'm interested in 2 girls that both would run away and disappear?

2010-03-02T01:08:00.002+08:00

Pretty Packed This holidays seemed to be the busiest holiday i've had..

Accomplished
Feb 19th - Exam ended, went out to walk around ion
21st - Big Uncle's house for mahjong
22nd - Eat, Pool with heather,shareena,pamela
23rd - Class picnic at Botanical Gardens
24th - Steamboat with heather,shareena,pamela,tingfang,iris
25th - Swimming with trevor,joel..chompchomp with trevor,joel,richard
26th - 2nd Uncle's house for mahjong.. Stay over at joel's house with richard,trevor,joey
27th - Soccer..My house for mahjong
28th - Basketball with richard,trevor.. dinner at pizzahut with trevor,joel
March 1st - Gym with richard,trevor,joel.. Pool with trevor,joel

To Be Continued
2nd - Watch Percy jackson with joel,joey,trevor,yonghui
3rd - Badminton with pamela,heather,shareena,trevor,joel + perhaps a movie with shareena,heather,pamela
4th - Bugis with trevor to buy things, fill up forms, repair camera, collect things
5th - Gym with richard,trevor,joel.. receive notification if i'm hired.. Eileen's birthday
6th - Cousin's Party at Goodwood Hotel
7th - Paramore concert with Shareena and maybe Rachel Tan, Rafidah
8th - Might be working if accepted
9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17th - prolly working 7 of the days
23rd - To Europe

I guess its the most fruitful holiday i've had, and perhaps the shortest too..

I feel ShengYao, YanHua, Izzuddin, Anthony is MIA..so are you Amanda

You're always there like me, but just not for me, like how i am for you

2010-03-01T00:45:00.005+08:00

Minor Changes.. Major Makeover??

----------------------------------VS----------------------------

These pictures might seem vain to you even though it wasn't taken by me =S

Alrights, back to the point.. These are the photos of before and after hair after dyeing it, credits to miss Sibani..

Call me paranoid, call me complicated, call me sensitive..

people tells me that i'm dateable/charming only after the makeover,

doesn't that just mean that in me, resides a rotten personality with an absolute zero physical charm/attraction without the dyed hair, just a guy with no special or unique features to gain any single points from girls/ladies "grading list.."

Perhaps i've thought too much of myself, maybe i hadn't had the "inner handsome" i once thought i possessed, i'm literally looking up to myself too much..

i'm not too suprise actually, i'm just bewildered on how this little situation went this way, i'm not suppose to be better off after this, because after the apple reaches its core.. No, it wouldn't even reach the core before i got discarded and chucked off, don't lie to me, you wouldn't take a second look back and wonder if you should finished it first. But its okay, because i won't be in self denial, i'll understand which each and every toss, that i'm nowhere near of somewhere, just how i'm nothing close to something..

I did say that looks does matter afterall, didn't i?

Its not going to change anything afterall.. So maybe theres really no point, especially when i see no chances. So were you lying?

You won't look at me after all that i do or all that i hadn't do.. right?

2010-02-27T00:27:00.002+08:00

It was bowling yesterday and its mahjong once again today... firstly at cousin's house for "extended" CNY and now witnessing mahjong at Joel's house with him,trev,richard,joey...

Things that you hadn't done for such a long time has been entertaining like how we always allow the child to pop out everytime something from our past appears, i think afterall, CNY's best offer offered to me is the adult's screaming laughter while they play little gambles, while we the younger generation starts acting like adults..Ironic role reversal...

Applied 2 temp jobs..
1. Epicenter's flyer distribution at IT show
2. Charles & Keith packer/sales at warehouse sale..

get the last batch of cash this holis to supply for the europe trip...

Today i thought i saw you, i thought i've let you go, i believed so, i wanted so, i wished so, but then why do my chest felt the thumps and all the little observant eyes started to sense "your" movement, yet so afraid to confirm, so afraid to approach you, so afraid to text you.. Now i'm covered in cowardice and worries..Why did she have to look like you, why does my heart suddenly feel so guilty..Isn't it just a habit that i've grown so accustomed to, yet the toll came and now i'm always asking for more, seeking for something you would do for me in exchange..But then again, who was i kidding... I'm really unsure if i've forgotten you, i'm unsure if i've let you go, i'm bewildered if i've fallen for another, but i'm pretty affirmative that its really something i can't define but then i'm really not in the mood to think anymore..No decisions that i wanna make.. Closed eyes, pinched arm, teeth marked knuckles..

Nothing but an indecisive, inconsiderate, in deceptive jerk

2010-02-23T23:12:00.003+08:00

Sometimes its really hard, and you'll never know

Today had Picnic at Botanic Gardens with classmates ( Pam, Heather, Shar, Rafidah, Hamidah, Rachael, Rachel, Hidayah, Jingyi, Iris, Ivy, Alicia )

Mostly Frisbee kept me bubbling and bobbing around, i think i sucked at it but i don't really care..

(pictures when being sent will be uploaded)

Happy birthday to Rachael =D

I really don't know if i do like you, or are you just an excuse i came up with to forget...I'm a jerk..

Today reminded me of that one time,
that morning i woke up at 4:30am, started to cut the side of the bread that you hated and refused to eat, carefully slicing it into 4 equal slices to the best of my ability, spreading different spreads of butter and sugar, cheese, tuna spread and wine jelly onto each slice, cautiously symmetrically turning it into a tiny little sandwich filled with goodies in between, throwing it into the oven to toast it slightly so it wouldn't be too crispy to turn hard over time and not too soft so it'll be soggy afterwards, after the loud ring, i carefully place it into a tupperware, finishing it with the lid of the air tight container so you'll feel the burning heart of mine. Got dressed and ran out steathily in order not to get caught by my parents which will lead to questionings, then jumping over fences to arrive early to turn my head and look at you decending from the stairs hurriedly in your school uniform... I arrived early, but you didn't came at all, i deceived myself that you were late and waited till it was 8am, before i hung my head down, depressed by the fact that you didn't turn up for a date that i didn't date.. Those sandwich tasted terribly bitter after i failed to throw them away.. I'm still insecured if i could throw my heart for you, or it'll end up bitterly like those sandwiches?

I can't promise you that I won't disappear
Like how you can't promise me..
But i wouldn't try to disappear
If you would try to make me appear

2010-02-22T01:32:00.005+08:00

TeeOTwo
The Class Photo Compilation (New To Old)

Professional Development (PD)

Language Arts In The Early Childhood Years (LAECY)

Field Practicum (FP)

Creative Arts For Young Children (CAYC)

Written Communication (WritComm)

Speech Training Basic (STB)

Its already a year...

Much has changed and many hasn't...

I believe that i've faded off at least

I'm not as much there as I used to...

I really hoped that you were here, at least I could get closer

2010-02-19T21:28:00.003+08:00

My teachers are hilarious...

Professional Development quiz question 4: What is group dynamics?

choice B) A group of people that uses dynamites for destructive purpose.

Child Development test question 6: ____ is verbal or physical behaviour intended to disturb someone less powerful.

choice A) Martial Arts Trainning

------------------------------------------------
So today is the last day of Year 1 in my poly... Honestly i feel some siansations from the upcoming boredomness, i just vision myself losing my social life for some reason as i face the confrontation of emptiness...

Went out with Shareena,Pamela,Iris,Alicia,Amanda to orchard, "313" mainly to settle down for a pretty good dinner at [F.I.S.H] by fish and co.
Before i get femalelized around the shops...

And now i'm home with no where to go..

Worst of all, i'm now almost certain that i couldn't see you anymore in the next 2 months.
no, she isn't my girlfriend, by asking, you're not making it better..
I'm just being indirectly rejected time and time. when everyone suspects that she is mine..

2010-02-18T00:32:00.003+08:00

I asked if the Charm Crystal had taken its effect,
You told me after I dyed my hair..
Did you just blurted it out as you saw the change,
Or was I suppose to take your breath away that moment?

Love so bubblish, bobbing up and down
always lost despite being found
gone in a second and appear in two
blank stares with confusions it fool

Make it so surreal and so it faked
never knowing, only seeing
cropped off and that love forsake
changing after changed but never being

Moving to always stop
closed eyes to try take a breather
but always nothing makes it better
everytime it happens, my heart throbs

So much for the reason
as everytime it falsely forgiven
always charged with your heart's treason
before the tears starts to season.

Your words, My heaven. Your smiles, My god
I don't want time to move except for you and me...

2010-02-14T01:25:00.003+08:00

The Fun With My New Beanie ~

The after beanie look

Brother's beanie look

Miss stick out tongue's look

Sulky Pam look

The nerdy look after removing beanie

Hearty The Raindeer Look =D

The cancer Shareena look

A million times that i try, the million times you reject...

you don't even try with me anymore..

2010-02-13T02:48:00.004+08:00

I can't show you, I can't tell you..

Because if i do, i can't help you..

Hes all over your eyes

yet i'm at the back, ready for you..

I don't wanna encourage you..

Because if i do, you'll go further..

Hes all you'll ever want

yet i'm willing to be all you'll ever need..

But i did in the end

with spears in my chest

I cannot comprehend why i did that

even though i said, its not possible to be happy just to see her happy

but for some odd reason, i tried that

maybe that explains why i'm so agonized

maybe thats why, i'm no longer needed

maybe thats how, i'll be gone from your life..

I can't be sure for now, but i really think i like you...

I'm really trying to forget the past, maybe it isn't so much about mine..

Maybe its yours that the cards were saying..

Perhaps its me standing at your end of the road..

I like you, I really don't want to see you through the future hims... I want to be your only Him

2010-02-13T02:24:00.002+08:00

I don't know how many of you are reading this but i'm going to write it out regardlessly..
Though i've said that i don't give two crap about it and i don't want to get sucked into it, i just want to say these, though i really want to, to all your face. I don't really know what will be the outcome of it, probably much caused awkwardness around me after that but seriously?? all for that??

Why the hell are you all giving each other problems, is it even interesting to crack your head for ideas on how to be sarcastic and throw torture to someone else? Or is wallowing in self pity going to help everything turn okay??

No No stay that way if you think its fun, we have at least minimum 2 shitty months together like this, coming to school becomes dreading to school, yea we'll all love it this way.. But if you're gonna do that, keep things to yourself if either side of you are so enjoying it, keep the fun to yourself, you can squeal in excitment but leave the rest of us out of it, this is a compromise if you're gonna continue, no one would wanna give a care for your acts and games, why would we want to take any sides when there isn't any to be taken..

Like seriously, what age are you all at? what kinda drastic thing that happen to cause these misery buisness? is it even necessary? I get it, you dun like each other, like burger king, have it your way.. then just stay the hell out of each other's way, you could put on a mask like you're enjoying all these rubbish why not just throw that away and put on a bag which cuts off communication unless necessary... what kind of life do you all want for the next 2 years, take things by your stride, its over then its over.. it happened get over it, no point finding measures or sulking to spoil everyone's mood unknowingly as you cringe out your POV which i can assure you, NOone really honestly want to see it, theres no use forcing your opinions upon others, yes we sympathise but no we don't need to and we see no want to...

Its really time to grow up and just stay the heck out of each other's way, is there really a need to go to such extend? if there is, go take each other by the throat and fight it out then cry out after that, at least you settle things equally, rather than some biasful crap that you all are spouting...

Really? should that really be of any concern? how chummy you were all together, smiling, cracking, laughing, joking, gossiping, sharing and now? all you are left with broken smiles, scribbled on memories and pictures to burn ...

Okay, i'm done with my piece, i've really come to the point that thinking that its not gonna be a happy life here, and to that point, i can just keep my nose in my own business and while you can have the epic world war 5 that skipped over the 2 other wars cos its so "EPIC"..

No you can not speak.. you can however go clear up the mess and straighten things out the way like humans would, not like some sinister miserable souls.. its over may i remind you, don't give me the scar bullshit, it wouldn't be a scar if you found treatment earlier..

Awkward? well i've lived through it, though i really don't want it to be the case but i rather have it as compared to 2 more years of these rubbish which would indirectly cause the bystanders harm, more than you could imagine...

I don't know anything, yes i don't.. but you don't either for you're clouded in your own egos....

I don't wanna change our relationships and perceptions but i'm just really hopeful that you all could see my view above yours... Sorry if i went overboard, but i'm stating my facts..

And lastly, bystanders, sometimes its better to shush up than to open that mouth, its really not helping..

Whats cliques, classes and friends anymore?

2010-02-10T01:40:00.003+08:00

A shadow was all i ever were.. A shadow never to reach..

I don't know if i should be in a great mood or should i be in a terrible mood..

it was terrible to feel your pain, to see you feel pain for his pain..

I'm unable to reach out, i've to hold back, so much that the sword turned upon me instead..

Everytime you're here or you're there, the cut enlarges bit by bit

Yet, you told me i'm just virtually capable, not a nuisance

you begun to start pouring your soul to me

and i've had that few hours with you...

Maybe i'm the one you've been looking for?

2010-02-07T01:16:00.003+08:00

Am i really that boring?
Am i really that incommunicapable?
Am i really that useless?
Am i really that awkward?

I do try too, i try to talk to you..
i make things out of nothing
but regardless, you can't feel
You ignore everything

I put off everything as i grit the teeth
with an enter to send my message that hung on too long
but all that i do is gone with your one word heave
then i drown myself, self pitying in song

How much do you even see of me
my existence is pretty futile
as nothing i do i can't be who you want him to be
my sweat to you, so cold and vile

Chapter one ended like that
Chapter two wasn't any better
the pain just fueled on a tad by a tad
would it again end just by a letter?

I chew and bite on the heart
it bled and fed the sorrow
with each day we slowly part
no more clue if theres any more tomorrow

I'm trying despite being tired of trying
I'm deciding despite being confused
I'm trying despite supposed to let go
I'm deciding despite i said i don't care
I'm ignoring yet my actions don't tally

2010-02-03T00:40:00.001+08:00

Why does it feel so right yet you always left?

2010-02-02T01:14:00.002+08:00

The tears dripped into a puddle, yet all you see is the clear blue sky...
I thought it had all dried up, yet none of the previous was for you...
How many more puddle would i have to form, to end this cycle of misery...
Say its a habit i adapt, but there isn't a rehabitation for it...
I want to tell you forget him, so you could see me in your eyes...
Then i see how you and him collide, and I hear how you talk about him...
All the false hope collapse instantly, only to build up a few days later...
I'm no longer able to taste the sweet, as i find bitterness in my happiness...
The sour jealousy stacked up, tipping over with reality in time
I could be so much better, so much better with you...
But you might do so much better, so much better with him...

2010-02-01T23:28:00.006+08:00

Could you tell the story? He reaches out for help in the light, yet his arms grew weak and he flipped over his body, staring at the moon, he then instigate to reach out for help only to lose strength...

Run for My Lunch in short, RML

Okays, we stayed over in school during saturday, not that i had any sleep

Kenny,Iris,Pamela,Shareena,Alicia,Cheryl,Ivy

After the briefing and lots of carrying boxes around,

We spent time playing around with cards which made our stomach all wobbly from the laughing during the Theme Poker which is a kinda new game i've been taught by Ms NA...

Then we spent another half of our stay on the field as we lay down and try to capture stars, staring at the moon and snapping shots of randomness, trying to get great shots that mesmerize.

Then we reached EastCoastPark at 4:30am, briefed and then pushed 6tables and 2 sets of cone in an unstable trolley for about 2.4km to our destination where we set up our water point~~

So after lots of Air Microphone Singing with the newwaterbottle which got alot of stares from the general public, we started preparing the drink and started to promote Plain Water and 7UP REVIVE!! Fooled around the entire day while accomplishing our job...

I'm a Certified Coolie now after this event....

and there we have what i wanted to post.... i think the insufficient sleep is making this a boring post so i shall shush and then shish

I really find that you don't need me

neither do you want me

its kind of like we are world apart

distant enough for us to be confused

But only if it could all just work out

Then maybe you and i could be in love

I might wanna work at Domino Pizza or Donut Empire...

I really hate to see you on facebook now

Theres evidence of you and him

Yes i'm a jealous guy but i can't stop it

It just proves my invisibility even more..

2010-01-29T23:31:00.003+08:00

The Tarot Cards Told Me

it said that i'm haunted by my past, the tendency of me moving on is to my choice, but i'm regularly clinged on by the past thus a postive outcome and outlook is needed for me, but the outcome is that i'll be withdrawn from the world..

It made me wonder would anyone still be there or it'll be a recurling dream from secondary 3..

There no need to see it in any other way
other than the way it has always been seen

And i couldn't tell what happened as you drift away, or was i just virtually incapable?

I don't know how do i make it go away, I don't know how to make it come either

you can't get rid of it
regardless how nonexistent it can be gone from your life
It hides in your shadow,
when the light shines, it appears
then the memory throbs as you see things you are reminded of it
then from then on you deny the light
bury yourself in the darkness
before you know it, you get too comfortable in the darkness
you can't leave it anymore
when you thought that its ok as shadows can't reach you
you realize its all around you the moment you got too cozy
then the energy consumed slowly till you wear down
and you finally break down

2010-01-28T02:42:00.002+08:00

Because everyone doesn't get it..
No one understands it because they aren't you..
Don't force your opinions onto others
If you want, try and influence through your own power if you're all that great

I don't know why i lie
but i don't want you all to know
You don't need to know everything
We can't know everything,
and most certainly you shouldn't try and ask when i don't want to say..

The thing you don't need to see the most
It shall be that you see

2010-01-26T01:22:00.003+08:00

The Sweet You

Sweetness just don't comprehend
as bitterness slowly off i fend
with you and each single step i send
the love of yours i tried to transcend

Speechless as i gave a listen
with your smiles so true and faked
unsure if i caught your eyes glisten
as you said what you've done for other's sake

Helplessly my fist clenched up
wanting to take the blow you took
strip your misery off i shook
rid the world by your hands i cup

Tired from rupturing you slept
beside yet not on my shoulder
solemn i wrote a note, a poem
yet fate does not hold as it i lost

For as long as that would last
the forgettance always came fast
through the memories it starts to close
as the day gone, i became the ghost

I fade away as your words stop
vsion of you disintegrate
yet the heart for you carry on to throb
and memories carries on to recreate

The agony surface and resurface
as once you had the sweetness to taste
everything starts to become nothing
and theres only memberance of the sweet you

i don't know to smile or to sulk when i'm with you
i'll smile because i'm with you
but the sulk is for that i know you'll leave later

----------------------------------------------
I want to write a novel...
its about a girl with split personalities and they were both charmed by the same guy. Thus they fight each other for him.

I want to write a poem short story
its when theres a poem and a short story based on the poem

2010-01-22T00:15:00.002+08:00

Art workz~

Did a set of teeth during attachment with the kids... looks ugly just like mine...

Students + crayons = anything is possible
This is Pam's Emofied drawing, its a greek girl wearing a floating crown, unallowing light to reach her as she stand by a tall tree and it seemed that she just lost a kite too... Then the storm approaches.... Nahs i don't know what is this picture about ask her...

And this is shar's rainbow garden crayon, it looks like a house with a screwed up chimney, XD

And this is my bobble head Poom Blue Special K which people calls it squidward from spongebob, Yes the head really does bobble when u shake it

This is the all adorable Super Blue, it flies wherever your hand goes and he has arms outstretched to save the world

Needless to say, this is the most epic pokeball, i gotta catch em all..

Then the most epic storyboard...

Please read it, you'll be overwhelmed by the awesomeness...

I'm sick and crushed

confused and tortured

At least let me be somebody

I got my doubts too

I'm not a hero

just another guy trying to be

2010-01-21T01:37:00.002+08:00

Everytime i look
Theres a new disencouragement
I think i'm just a redundancy
Just a passerby
Which you wouldn't even look up for

2010-01-19T23:10:00.002+08:00

Purgatory

That thin line that seperates me.. Half of this to you and half of that to you... Wouldn't be too long till i lost those tinges of red as i get tangled up further than i should..Its now my life.

Everyone only wants to be the only hero

You're suddenly nice

and i can't comprehend

You're suddenly gone

and i can't cope

You suddenly appear

and i go breathless

You suddenly enter

and i go fluttering

2010-01-15T00:48:00.005+08:00

What Is This

Days scrapped by days and days, but the night was the most sufferable, for it'll be the moment i'll try and make contact, keeping out of the thin line of stepping into the annoyance zone yet also out of the losing touch area. Clutching my shirt, i stripped myself of my own reluctancy, pressing the send key after repeatedly rewritten messages, then the sense of regret flushed over instantly before i close the senses, decieving myself, taking self inflicted damage to convince myself that i hadn't send it. Shut my eyes tight and till you give a response, or not..Both sinking the heart, just in different ways, one in indulgence of the mere moment and the other in despondency.

Usually i lie awake, and ask myself What Is This? What Are You Trying To Do?? Though the conscience badgers on, i slowly figured out there wasn't another alternative out, life might always have choices but none that i would take.. I can't help it if i fell in love and i can't save myself from loving

another

What good is knowing the answer of impossibility if you can't question your possibilities? I can't take a step foward, not a stride backwards, neither to stay around.. I wished,longed,hoped,prayed,dreamt,craved,desired,

wanted,needed,yearned,aspired,requested,pleased..

Since i failed to get a chance, i thought at least an acknowledgement, no? then perhaps an explanation, none? But all I gave me was more issues to due with, stacking and removing like a toy..

The struggle at night tides over with a silence and a promise to clear with a sleep, then i awaken with the hopes of a new day, perhaps a day of finally changing..But usually it drags across.. with

that every little thing i do to help me survive in my own way

Then the night re-begin and the whole plot continues to re-entangle...

Yous aren't bad for me, just that i made it miserable, i know its my fault,stacked on by mistakes after mistakes. Actually, yours appearences are my only salvation so far....

--------------------------------------------------------

if i'm going to start a company,

1)Working Replicas - creating actual things that works from shows(animes/cartoon/movies) and sell it.

2)A fashion botique - a fully image place where hairdressers,fashion advicer, clothings, accessories, make up artists all exists in one place to create an image to suit a person.

3)A Photography Missionary - Given words/themes/sentences/quotes before setting off to take awesome photos of relations.

4)The Party Place - Costumes, accessories, food, beverages are all in place, creating with a space, any fully given theme party area and ideas.The more unique and awkward the better..

5)Unusual Restaurant - providing funniest waiters, jokes, dishes, games, performances, videos, sudden happenings. a place where everything is infused with humor..

2010-01-13T17:56:00.003+08:00

Warm Your Heart

So he said he took 3 years to warm your heart...

Then I'll take forever to keep your heart warm...

Don't want to care just simply meant that i'm confused..so it seems

Let go to move foward and risk the restart button.

Stay back and stay put and risk the nothing future.

Its like i'm on a self rupturing schedule

Torn halfway on each half..

2010-01-13T17:46:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Carol~

you're old now...well you're always with me since 2 years back, perhaps you've been with me all the time that it feels just like a long time ago...Well i can't really think of what else to say that wouldn't really reoccur with the note and the post as well as the cake... Happy birdday~

2010-01-05T02:05:00.002+08:00

Snooze

You open your eyes while the bright blinding light scorch your eyes and you desperately search for the alarm thats beeping away, you then press the cancel/snooze button telling yourself just another 5minutes before you topple back down your bed, sinking into the mattress that has enveloped your warmth overnight, you shut your half-closed eyes to gain the darkness with the tinges of red maroon effect from the light that you no longer bother to see, longing to stay asleep and thus giving in to insomiac devil that battered up the angel that pestered you to stay awake. And into the slumber you fall after cuddling yourself, longing to remember the dream you've had or to start a new dream of unreality to forget of the tiresome day you lay ahead, knowing that no matter how nice it might be, it just lasts for couple of hours before you do the same notion of falling back to this unreal world at the unearthly hour.

This goes on and you start to dread of being awake, having forced to have things thrown at you and shove it up your face everyday regardless of what you are doing, if not you have your leftover bullshit to deal with from the past that you thought you could erase by just walking away, you swipe it across your conscious and then try to forget about it, those non-chalant ideals that you don't need in actual fact, haunted by the thoughts of your own which you proceed to smoother them out by shoving a pillow upon your enstrangled face, reminding yourself it wasn't meant to be, cautiously lie that you have done your best when you know you had more to offer but you were hesitant, deep inside you were selfish and unwilling to cast yourself away as a bait to save that poor fish being ravaged by the delusional gigantic apprehendable problem.You realize every single second you stay awake, a single second more you have to face the world, you have to get the interrogation lights shined upon your face, you have to make nice with everyone, you have to become the hero that you always wanted and also the villian that acts upon your own egoism. You realize the truth, the meaning of being awake, then you squeezed your eyes and try to get that 5 more minutes of sleep which eventually you take for granted as you try and see how much more time can you escape and get away with it, and the more cake you could gather, the more chances of eating the cake there would be.Then you snoozed away..

Sometimes you're hot and you're cold..
and it seems that i don't have enough fuel to keep you coming

2010-01-01T03:15:00.003+08:00

The year's final day started with a chime from the clock, indicating the start of the eve and soon the end of the year.

I was alive on the computer then, Engaging in a struggle with the assignment that i hadn't got a clue with, then with a last spurt of my whatever sense i had left i accomplish that grueling task, then i was online with ShengYao on gunbound trying to shoot the problems off the mind and bombarding it on some fantasy ground.. then the realization that it was really late and i hadn't had the mind to fully convert myself into an owl arrived. thus i head off to bed..

However the mind doesn't gave any heart to give the body any rest, as the tug of war continued on, slowly my remainder consciousness begain to blurred up, i couldn't help but mix the elements of gunbound into my efforts to sleep, this however funny and perhaps hilarious but the process of intoxicating, i woke up every few minutes with a state of half consciouness, rentlessly reminding the remainder of me to keep the virtual and reality apart.. however i was too lost to win the battle... then i finally couldn't stand it and woke up fully at 7am, thankfully for the chimes of the clock to decide the decision..

Then time passes quickly and i finally pushed myself to sleep peacefully at 10am, slept soundly till 1pm where i hurriedly rushed out to school to submit Amanda's and my assignments as well as to return library books or else i would be sorrowfully late for my later plans, however the day wasn't showing me any tinge of kindness towards me, everything there was closed, even the drop off book for the library was locked.. so a fruitless travel there...

Reached Kovan to borrow 2 bikes from my cousin in order to enable Izzuddin and Anthony to tag along for the exhaustive cycling that lies ahead of that point of time, i carried 2 bikes down 12 storeys with a fear of the bikes being stolen.. And then towards Serangoon for the rendezvous...

And with 4 literal hours of Breath-Taking, we finally arrived at Changi Village where we quickly dug into our food like wilderness wolves preying on their first source of energy. ( i hadn't ate all day, and probably yesterday too for some reason )
Gobbles
Gobbles
I'm a GOOFY GOOBER

then took 3 hours of muscle contraction to arrived back at serangoon after yelling "HAPPY NEW YEAR" all the way from Kovan...Then once again heading off with Sheng Yao to Bishan with the mind to prawn, Anthony however chose to take a bus and walk there due to the phobia of cycling any more after that killer 7 hours. So SY and i travelled another 30minutes to bishan but to find out that the prawning area was condensively filled with compressions of people there, so we decided to wait it out after calling Anthony to head home first as there were minimum chances of actually getting those people to leave..
Chit
Chat
ChitChatted till 2am

and it wasn't getting any better so then the journey's of the start of the end to the start of the start ended.. Curtains closed with a sight of coincidental bumped into Amanda on the way back..

Thats how the 2010 Eve Went..

Resolutions?
Never really made any that i would remember long enough to keep...
perhaps to be a greater homo-sapien
and perhaps to live an actual life
and lastly to sleep early to wake up early..

I thought of you though i forced myself not to
but then you appeared of no where
you walked my path, my way
but i was so stupidly stumped there..
Sorry you...
Sorry me..
Let us both down

2009-12-27T20:39:00.002+08:00

Kenny,ShengYao,YanHua,Izzuddin is reported to have stormed the airport repeatedly during the period of 11pm(26/12/09) to 8am(27/12/09), repeatedly going through all 3 terminals by the shutter bus and sky train...They are commonly seen in toilets for some reason, perhaps they were searching for the accomplice of this guy..."MR.POOBALAN"

Then they as usual used up papers and crayons in the free section..

After burgers at macdonald, they headed to starbucks to have Ventis of drinks that they regreted after that since it was too throat hurting and then choky as they play their game of life there..

Before they really head home it was already very late...Or Early i should say..And very sleepy after their breakfast of egg/bread/more coffee at Kopitiam which they headed to after spending loads of unrequested time of trying to watch plane fly and land at the viewing gallery through the help of Trolleys..

-----------------------------------

have plans to Cycle to Changi runway again

have plans to go prawning in order to find the blue tailed prawn to win a free rod

have plans to go sentosa

have plans to play mahjong

have plans to go out and eat

have plans to eat sleep and play somemore

-----------------------------------

P.S (Male backup dancers in Singapore Idol Looks Kinda Gay...Sorry)

I don't know what i've done wrong

I only tried to try..

Then why are you not replying me

Where was the line at first?

Kenny...Remember you've thrown everything away...

BTW www.UrbanDictonary.com says i'm the foreskin of an uncircumsied penis...

and i'm pround of myself for helping Izzu decode the poem "To His Coy Mistress" www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/16076

2009-12-26T01:17:00.002+08:00

Christmas gathering at Ponggol.. 13minutes + 20balloons = breathless..

And what else to do with balloons than to tie on your bag and run so it flies behind you =D

Then we went exploring in an abandoned house that used to be occupied by some angmos

Presents -> 1 Nautica wallet, 1 Converse wallet, 1 Rebok tee, 1 Banana Republic colgone, 1 Toothbrush holder..

i used to have not enough wallet, now it appears i have enough wallet till i last over Uni..

-------------------------------

The gigantic prawn was captured on about 4am when i cycled to meet ShengYao and John for prawning till 7am..

Come to think of it, i hadn't made any christmas wish before, but looking at things now, i've given up on wishing pretty must... So much for the Wisher..

2009-12-25T03:04:00.003+08:00

Happy Red and Green Day where a fat guy in a suit runs about and intruding homes through the chimney and then proceeding to leave a mysterious package in your home before getting out somehow and riding off with his flying reindeer that is probably throughly exhausted from pulling a sleigh which has a giant red bag filled with those mysterious package and a big fat intruder dressed in a suit chanting HOHOHO as he goes...

=D

2009-12-23T02:08:00.005+08:00

Hang out day with bro and cousins.. Walkabouts in Ion -> Kinokuniya at Taka -> Dinnering at Marche at 313 @ somerset -> Lan gaming for 3 hours -> home

(Going to get a Tarot Deck soon)

So I started My Balloon ObsessionMy Bailout Oppression

Because every single time i chose to wait like this..
It always ended like this..

2009-12-22T02:42:00.006+08:00

Probably just letting go of the hopes, and return to the one day by a time policy.

Its always like this, people i meet usually talks with me for a few days and goes missing then disappear

Can't do nothing bout it, then don't do nothing about it, or so i assume even if it makes an ass out of me and you

2009-12-21T02:05:00.002+08:00

I don't need you all the time, i just need you when you can.. if you aren't sometimes, i'll simply wait for other times to come.. if you need someone, i'll be that someone.. if you'll need anything i want to be that anything.

2009-12-21T01:25:00.002+08:00

always in the sidelines...while the rest gets the spotlight.. they go and come back with those momentary frowns telling us how hard is it out there, then they go back where they came from.. No I've tried so hard to stay here, warming the bench. You who don't try as hard frays away, narcissism takes over.

i don't know what of you that made me stare
i don't know what of you that made me flutter
i don't know what of you that made me want to be the best
i don't know what of you that made me want to be your best
i don't know what of you that made me ache
i don't know what of you that made me long
i don't know what but it took me over and converted me
but you could say the same thing to the other him

i might not be the best offer
i might not be your good offer
but i hope i'm still an offer to you

You might never know this because i'm too afraid
i'm fearful that you would just disappear
its really a good thing that i'm good at holding back

its the "i like you but i can't like you" story once again
goodbye loser, hello loserX2

2009-12-17T02:36:00.003+08:00

Perhaps i shouldn't from the start
Perhaps it was a mistake to begin
Perhaps i had taken my own life
Perhaps it never had been mine
Perhaps i tried to run away
Perhaps it never supposed to be here
Perhaps i should have thought
Perhaps it never needed any
Perhaps i flawed and failed
Perhaps it was meant to be
Perhaps i never needed to choose
Perhaps it knew me all along
Perhaps i hadn't had to fight
Perhaps it couldn't be mine anyway
Perhaps i should just die off
Perhaps i shouldn't care
Perhaps i should let go
Perhaps i should leave

just go curl up somewhere kenny, you're not the hero in any fairytale. Theres no space for your rationality, no place for your indecisiveness, no area for your cautiousness, no way for your cowardice.

2009-12-16T00:50:00.002+08:00

2 Movies are up today, one with Pam and her sis and the second one with mum and bro..

Princess and the frog~

well its kind of a typical disney kind of show, luxuary magic, sweet melting happy endings, and destroyed obnoxious villians.Thus predictable... I guess a fairytale isn't too bad once awhile.. Welll its pretty watchable i guess 2.8/5?

Planet 51,

No doubt a cartoonish show, comedy and such, quite funny at times i would say, but its also quite predictable and kinda luck filled like every cartoon... not a bad movie either.. watchable too maybe 2.8/5?
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I realized, i'm becoming more and more unwilling to talk...more and more unwilling to share...more and more unwilling to explain...more and more willing to close up..

All the lovey dovey..

that my eyes had learnt to shun

my hearts literally in two pieces

fighting each side to reach a decision

Each with their own logic to stand

Theres always the 2 decisions to choose

2 risks to take, 2 chances to advance

I really don't know.. I'm a screw up

2009-12-14T01:24:00.004+08:00

I was thinking of getting the pictures before i actually post something that i've done, but it appears that i've gradually drop the pieces of information, theres a hole in my brain maybe, leaking out memories like a filled bottle with holes.

Okay, so i've found a really great museum, its called "8Q SAM".. i'm reluctant to share this but seeing that my blog doesn't have much reader i think the secludeness of the museum can be protected... its a place of beautiful instillation art, really abstract and really pretty.. the uniqueness of this place is really quite over the top... nopes its not really just pretty paintings, props and set ups and much more stuff.. you'll be amazed..

Narnia~~

Paper Walkway

The black and white room

Watched New Moon with ShengYao,Joel,Yanhua.. the other day, it felt really uncomfortable as i felt that new moon was kinda a girl movie, yet 4 grown guys went in... not being sexist here but just weird.. anyway the movie was kinda a bore, well but didn't really expect anything outta it... I didn't had the guts to yell "Cedric!!" and "Sharkboy!!" afterall..

I'm becoming much more of a jerk i want to be

i feel like i'm leaving you, not like i have commitments

but the problem is, it didn't fade off

i feel it fluttering, so as though stolen.. I don't know what i want anymore..

2009-12-11T00:05:00.003+08:00

Finally the hellish period struck over, surviving on stress along with lack of sleep in a foot race to accompish every assignment just chucked to us mercilessly..
It hadn't fully ended but at least the hell period is gone for now...

Cut my hair thin and shorter.. and i'm really still tired from all those fatigues and i believe i'm getting sick..

See ya Shai, thanks alot

2009-12-06T01:26:00.004+08:00

i've been seriously busy
extremely exhuasted
really faigue-cal
the assignments just came rushing out of no where, each stacked on each other, just collected themselves and burried me underneathe with a tilt of hope glistning every now and then.

i've been really tired
survived on about 4hours per day for the past week, i go to school everyday with a zombie like self,dragging the feet with eyes wanting to close so badly yet they couldn't lullaby me to sleep... i hadn't been doing leisure things for a long time now, i'm finding everything i used to have is breaking out, just drifting away..

People has been pushing up their ideal thoughts and views upon me, mainly family, you might think i'm not being sociable, yes i don't deny it but sometimes do you look and ask in an alternative way than you always do? you demand and you request then you push your opinions on me, why hadn't you see yet.. so far i have a reason for everything, you asked me not to promise what i couldn't acheieve but when i don't want to promise, you blame that i don't have the sincerity... the reason why i stay up?? beside the atmosphere of inner peace to really remember myself and not get sucked into your world of opinions, the only way to keep myself, face it already i have my own reason that i don't speak of...
and i don't speak of its because i don't want to, how would you know if i don't speak? sometimes you don't have to, sometimes its just enough to understand i have my reason..

i sometimes like to close my eyes and imagine the calm scenery of a green short grass wavering admist the cool winds, along with the rustling of the lone tree standing tall at the side of this field all covered by a peaceful stretch of baby blue sky with cluttering of white clouds and then i shall walk towards the tree and lie in its shade, just close my eyes again and imagine that nothing was real anymore, i don't have to open my eyes again..

If you hadn't realize yet
than maybe i'm just too different for you

2009-11-29T03:06:00.002+08:00

Chocolate Cupcakes with cheesy frostings today...

----------------

Sometimes i wonder if you ever noticed my over obvious hints
or maybe you just choose not to see it, choose to ignore, choose not to answer
so much to the extend that i could write my biography with the questions you don't reply..

How far you'll go is how far i'll follow

2009-11-28T03:22:00.003+08:00

Sports Camp GL trainning 3 was kinda great in a way, fun.... flour dyed hairs, discreet cheating, balancing skills, guessing situations and reflex movements..

School assignments piling up, crushing us slowly, a stack on top of another, an assignment done to be refilled..

--------------

The little details to thrill the life out of me...
that lingering phone call
those little small questions and answers
even your one word messages.
But trauma takes over
as i fear that i would over-do
the more i talk, the more you fade
facing with the reality of the past
yet trying to form a dream..

2009-11-26T00:12:00.002+08:00

Attachment today was really really tiring, most exhausting, the toddlers were all over everywhere today for some reason...

I'm just really happy today.. i'm really quite exhilarated, i just really wanna smile.

If everynight could be today's night..

2009-11-22T23:28:00.002+08:00

Cycling to Changi Beach today...

As you see, the Changi runway wasn't just a joke, you ride on, and you get the sense of dejavu as no matter how long you ride, the end is still as far as you once thought you were.. Though the cool breezes and pretty view certainly was pretty much worth it...

i got so tired, every part of me ached

i bit my lips, and stood there

giving up soon, wanting to stop

yet memberance of you popped up

so similar to the situation

no matter how i rode, how i tried

i got nowhere, stuck in quake

then i took my wheels again

slowly but onwards forward

i would reach the end after all

images of you, my salvation

2009-11-22T02:42:00.003+08:00

Silently we start
a barrier that seperates
violently tugs the heart
only up to time for it to fade

The focus slowly narrows
isolate the world away
a mixed joy and sorrow
as you in the middle sways

Words comes pouring
only to stop as we walk
suffocating as fate mocks
no means to push it soaring

Blink a wink in disbelief
then take a step to breathe
close my eyes and I debate
rewind to what i would have said

Like aways we have to split
goodbye my hand will bid
you go and i would stay
fighting regrets that i don't say

Light fall and dim
Moon pushes sun away
Night takes over day
then it becomes an illusion i've seen

2009-11-21T00:15:00.004+08:00

My conscious wouldn't let me go if i fail to blog 2012 and i blogged about Paranormal Activity.

Well the respect i have for this film is beyond words actually.. AWESOME!!

Have anyone keeps wondering that the situation and luck in the movies is just simply too far-fetched, impossible at times, and if you wondered that why is the main character is featured but not the rest??

Then its really time to wake up, regardless if September has ended or not, ITS A MOVIE, and if they don't feature the main character with his amazing survival and chances, IT"LL BE CALLED REAL LIFE!!

Sports Camp GL Training Day 2

its much better now, rather than some sit around activity that repeats for a few hours, it's actually enjoyable today, able to participate pretty much today.. However while admiring some forfeit rockstars, accidently my pants ripped and showed my ass to the world.. perfect...

Her natural eyes are just mesmerizing, or rather the colour... (Y)

2009-11-17T12:14:00.002+08:00

Well.. Paranormal Activity, the post where Izzuddin is most interested in.. But then again, i'm not exactly gonna say much, just quite a waste of time, it was lame, it was unexpected...ly-lousy.. Totally not a movie they claimed it was, RIP OFF!! in my opinion that was.. 1/5?

------------------------

I find a few websites that is literally ruining my life for me..
Www.Givemehope.com
Www.Fmylife.com
Www.Mylifeisaverage.com
or easily recognize through
GMH
FML
MLIA

Why???
it just seemed so awesome what people do in other countries,

you don't see strangers entertaining you, to make you laugh,

you don't see pointless conversations

you don't do awesome stuff like they do..

Sighhs if only it would take less outta the guts to do those things here

2009-11-14T01:22:00.003+08:00

It has been raining season for roughly 2 weeks now, i don't know if i dislike rain anymore.

I resented it due to the dull atmosphere it gives out, just makes you want to slack, sleep and stay silent all day, there also has this sense of depressive aggression that shadows rain and the dark clouds looming above, yet sometimes, you need rain to cuddle up nicely, close your eyes and remember what reality is like, just to stop and feel amidst the sardined life you lead..

Went for Sports Camp GL training at 5:30 today.. was certainly not interesting but wasn't that bad either, awkwardness inevitable..Ended really late, about 9:30

Hadn't started on my 1500 Play Essay thats to be submitted on monday, sighs, how do i live?

I usually smile,

just so if happen you look

2009-11-12T21:23:00.003+08:00

Okayyyy, missed out alot of days with things to blog about due to a busy schedule propelled by schoolwork that slowly stacks up and got top-heavy before collapsing.

Well i should just randomly attack the postings.

Went to Singapore Arts Museum, got attracted to this painting especially.

Went to FATBOY's Hamburger cafe. Had the Elvis burger, most unique burger i've tasted so far. Pork Patty + Peanut Butter + Grilled Bananas.

My Squishy Bears of playdough from Creative Arts lesson

Lover's land sculpture in Creative Arts Lesson

Bought from ikea Sweden section. Princess Cake. Ain't bad at all

Sometimes you remember every single detail

yet it'll never be recognized

2009-11-04T01:37:00.004+08:00

Doodles in class...

Owl City: Vanilla Twilight

The stars lean down to kiss you,

And I lie awake I miss you,

Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.

Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,

But I'll miss your arms around me

I'll send a postcard to you dear,

Cause I wish you were here.

I watch the night turn light blue,

But it's not the same without you,

Because it takes two to whisper quietly,

The silence isn't so bad,

Till I look at my hands and feel sad,

Cause the spaces between my fingers

Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find repose in new ways,

Though I haven't slept in two days,

Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.

But drenched in Vanilla twilight,

I'll sit on the front porch all night,

Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.

I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.

I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,

And heavy wings grow lighter,

I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.

And I'll forget the world that I knew,

But I swear I won't forget you,

Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,

I'd whisper in your ear,

Oh darling I wish you were here.

2009-11-01T01:22:00.003+08:00

POS, Pledge Of Silence, Awareness Campaign For AIDS, Silence For 8 Hours...

I lost my wallet for the second time in this month, the first time was at macdonald in raffles shopping centre, and this time was at kopitiam of white sands and with much thanks and gratitude, i managed to retrieve it with the help of some kind souls...

Halloween At Escape after the whole rhaposody, due to the heavy downpour, we went later than we( Izzu,ShengYao,Peidian ) would've wanted, 2 hours of breathing the escapee air.. Firstly a roller coaster ride, followed by Tarot Card Readings and ending it with a Haunted house before disturbing some kid in a scream costume...

And Stayed Overnight at Changi Airport..Why? Cos We Can

Tarot Reading: Why The Rejection? She Feels I'm Insincere.. Move On, Best Time For Relationships, 3years later

2009-10-29T23:18:00.002+08:00

I'm tired of just saying, so now, i'm gonna start doing

1. Mob Club

2. Cheesecake Blogshop..

Assertive..

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So i tried to donate blood today, filled up forms, parent's consensus, check up, blood test... these took up 2hours, eating an hour into my tutorial class and the best part is? My veins are too small... sighhs

and tomorrow, it'll be POS, silence for 8 hours, not too bad and after that Halloween with PeiDian(skeleton),ShengYao(Scream),Izzu(Clown),Kenny(Vampire) at Escape Theme Park

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80% of strangers would smile back at you if you smile at them

20% just shuns away

2009-10-29T00:16:00.002+08:00

Went Halloween Costume shopping today with Sheng Yao...

Bad Looking Hair? Got the message..

Really want to join a dance crew and learn
Really want to join a drama company and act
Really want to create my Pranks Club, thus we can create Sudden awkwardness and laughters

2009-10-26T23:11:00.002+08:00

I liked today in fact...

Guess compliments certainly lights up a day..

Wonder if mine works that way too..

-----------------------------------------------

Went to Kids Amaze today, you know those "playgrounds" we used to spend loads of time in it when we were young,innocent,naive,tiny and flexible. Climbing up and down, with tubes and tunnels leading to each section, completed with diving into ball pits and plastering each other with the plastic/foam balls?
thats the place we went to, almost 120 teenagers were filling up the place today...

Had a strange dream last night...
1. i was being rob then i fought back and ran, he chased me to a mrt station, then proceeded to shove me down into the tracks, with a train rapidly approaching, i quickly climbed up the other side of the platform and faced the train literally 2cm away from my nose...Got send to a police station.. and i forgot
2. I was lost in what seemed to be NgeeAnn Poly in my dream, got mazed around, then led by a senior of my course, went up the escalator to reach my lecture theatre, a tall guy went down the up escalator, senior refused to give way, he proceeded to scold my senior, i stood in between them and told the guy to just let it go, as i turned back, he shoved me, till i was flying for 2seconds and landed in a position where you will see when professional runners are at the start out line, turned behind for blood, he disappeared, and i forgot

2009-10-24T01:25:00.002+08:00

Cycling Day 2, Arms are half baked

Supposingly to look for costumes for halloween but didn't make it, will go to the shop tomorrow..

I seemed to slowly break away from the habit

Break away from the past

No longer remember what you were wearing on the first day you came into my life

But still so mesmerized by you

2009-10-22T23:40:00.002+08:00

Kenny Vs Nature in " Moutain Biking"

I hate the way they are changing ponggol, bring unwanted judgement to nature...

Too selfish to lose

Too concerned to let loose

2009-10-19T23:19:00.002+08:00

School period is again in everyone's life
4 hours of lecture today wasn't that bad nor excruicating as expected, it was plain ok...
Got it over and done with pretty quickly,

Going home was kinda weird, had my poly classmates on one side, joel beside and sec school friends on the other side of the one side... simplified version - i'm triangled by 3 different section of friends...
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Today is a great day
cos today, i saw you
Today is a great day
cos today, i saw you smiling
Today is a great day
cos today, you looked into my eyes
Today is a great day
cos today, we exchanged conversation
Today is a great day
cos today, I felt like I moved a step closer
Today is a great day
cos today, you accepted my things
Today is a great day
cos today, you laughed with me
Today is a great day
cos today, you gave me something
Today is a great day
cos today, you are here, not there

2009-10-17T00:29:00.013+08:00

Wednesday, i breathe the last distasteful aroma, stench emitting from each differential individuals at approximately 8:35 everyday..i chop the last cheque, keyed the last data and filed the last paper, with goodbyes i left with a lightened heart...

I slowly retracked my path back to outram mrt, soaking in a slight mixed feelings that swirled among the matter of past and present, closed my eyes in the setting warm ray, sobering up with the mood affectious songs from my headset, i hurried to Shihui's birthday dinner at Billy's Bomber where i dug in the supposingly famous ribs and a recognised milkshake along with a cup of soup..

When all well's and ended with a session of bill splitting with ShiHui,Val,Sarah,Pam, headed off to harbourfront for a 3nights 2 days of superstar virgo, and sea breeze surging through me..

Its a great vacation i would say, even greater with friends i would reckon since there would be times of stupidness and much more activities to get involved with, day passes through mostly of strolling on decks as the cooling wind ravage against our body or freeze during shows and meals..

Disembarked to KL for alittle shopping time, Theres quite a few clothings that i would most certainly purchase but yet, the cutting of all the clothings there are rather wide... Correction, HUMONGOUS, thus unable to purchase anything except 2 piece of Tees after 1hr of browsing...

I shall end here without an end and let the pictures tell you the thousand words that the phrase ensures....

A pathway of differental doors

A glowing pool of thoughts

Zombification wipe out

With a touch of abnormalties

Wondering where you could have went

and how long more before they take me away

Or leave me at the edge

Envious of how others as i look

And comes to another start of the day

Yet i can't help wondering how it'll be, if you are beside

How much randomness would happen

And how much we would experience

The same view we could appreciate

Yet how could i make a landing

Or how not to make you trail away

Will being together, unseperated happen

A meal of two instead of one

A table for two

A cheer and a toast

As we share our favourite tiramisu

Then with coincidence, your name is formed

Then i remember, i woke up

As the times i spent,
Not a minute of awakeness went without you
images of how it could have been
fantasy of you being here
how it great if you and i are we
you are too much...
too much in my head
perhaps in my heart

2009-10-09T20:17:00.002+08:00

Today was the best day of my job, partly was cos its friday

the best part was cos of i had $7 for practically sitting around doin nothing, loads of people took leave today, thus the office is empty, leaving 3 including me, furthermore my mentor left for the bank for 1hrs 30min, leaving me with no job to do... so all i had to do was to pretend i was busy, flipping through past files with my eyes laying on my phone...

On the MRT back, i witness a scene of humanity's disgrace as the few seconds before the door shut closses, isolating both sides, an old uncle tried his luck to squeeze past the door followed by two ladies most likely in their mid twenties were closely behind, when the doors start to shut tight, the old man struggled to stop in his tracks and somehow managed to right infront of the door but the lady behind him was also rushing, thus to stop herself, she awkwardly and inconsiderately pushed the uncle, causing him to squeeze through the door, stuck involunteery between the two doors, yet thankfully to another man inside the mrt pulling him in and shouting at the girls and the advance technology of sensors, the man was freed in mini seconds, in those split seconds, the other lady quickly pulled the other lady back, preventing her from lurching foward right into the door hard....

through this incident, another proof of selfishness in the most inhumane way possible, for the benefit of our own, we step on others unforgivingly.. Yet this isn't an excuse for every mistake, its prolly the same reason with fate, as it is always easy to drop matters with nonchalent ways and excuses such as, "Oh, all human are selfish" and "Regardless of what we do, fate has it for us."
These unplanned reactions are inexcusable and sadly reflections of ourselves, or at least I see

2009-10-08T23:25:00.002+08:00

heres a little photos to spice up this place, finally overcomed the laziness

The office...

So today, SY, Richard, Trev and Joel came to outram to find me after work, planning to have some steam boat, yet the steam boat wasn't buffetish thus headed to my house for a home made conservative steamboat filled with loads of stuff as you could see, a well spent $10 from everyone to have a great and cheap dinner with drinks, was joined by YanHua later on, it was an excellent style to get along, homely, freely and funly...

just wished didn't have to waste 4 slices of beef shabu shabu, loads of hotdogs, meatballs and even more cockles..

2009-10-07T23:01:00.003+08:00

Ok, the third day of work today, just 5 more to go...

I really do not understand nor do i want to on how do someone work in such boredom, perhaps a matter of habit, i do admit, i don't feel much when i'm working, its like for that period of 9 hours, the zombifying process occurs and everything like a rubber band that strungs back, after work all the dreading begins, the start of the day, you think about work and how long till it ends and at the end of the day, you think about how many hours left do you have till you have to go back to that zombifying process...

Horrifying...

The fleeting march in the mrt, is a proof of stereotyping, as i walked the path of the grown up in suits,my music skipped a track and i hear the clicks and the clats from boots and heels in unification, it kinda instilled fear of growing up in me....

--------------
in my fear i thought of you
thought of how it was gonna end
or perhaps by miracle start
i can't help myself
i dare not say love,
but i l can't choose who to like
and i like you

2009-10-04T13:14:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i really hate the feeling of being in an airport, i'm usually like life, honestly elated to be there since i know theres still time, yet as time slowly ticks towards departure, i become more and more reluctant akin to the density of fear and despair that grows, since i know someone is leaving as each plane leaves ground, coming back or not, a future unknown yet. though its a casual trip there but still, it doesn't escape the heart.

MOONCAKE FESTIVAL

2009-09-27T01:05:00.002+08:00

Sunburnt from soccer at bishan today, for some reasons my hands are burnt yet not my fingers...

Incidently,
Walking back the trail we strolled, under the dim lights of the night sky the other day which was a crating leap of time away which yellowed and dulled with each passing second. That day you were in tears, while i stood beside helpless, i wanted to help, make it all better, and throw it all away, yet i couldn't.. as we strolled the very same path that i walked across today without you, i couldn't help but to feel the gush of grim... i grasped your hand for a second and pulled you to the mist of the park, trying to set you on the swing, if that was something i could do, yet you didn't, we carried on, i watched while we walked, with my fingers drilling into my skin, trying to figure out some ideas to bring back the cheery you, yet i did nothing but to watch your tears dried up and slowly allowing no more tears to flow.. That was something i didn't sign up for, i wanted to dry your tears for you not to let them dry it up by the harsh air..

it seems that i could do alot of things for you
but none that you'll want

2009-09-25T21:43:00.002+08:00

so i've been at home partially procrastinating about finding a job for about a month now, wasting my life away, i don't know how am i gonna survive in the future... so to ease the boredom i am currently playing NEOPETS.... but i swear neopets is discreetly making kids into gamblers, cos i've been playing 90% of card games like poker blackjack on neopets....

On another note, went prawning with shengyao yesterday once again, prawning with him is really some serious business

Fighting the selfishness

2009-09-19T14:46:00.003+08:00

Cut my hair today, ain't that great...

I finally played soccer today after a month of not kicking a ball.. after 90mins of playing, a heavy bout of rain suddenly poured in admist everything.. We had to stop and moved away from the field..
It was then it dawned upon me, as i stood up and started to take a step into the shelter, it pretentiously recollect to the scene quite distant away, perhaps 3 months..
I remembered drenched, soaking wet from the rain, with cautious steps towards your house, i tried to hide the envelope under my body to keep it dry, i held my breathe and hecticness trying to look alright even in the rain, i called you up to say i've reached your block, meet me at 6th floor.. you came down in your white purple shirt, before you took my sanity away again...hesitantly accepting the envelope...

Today I Miss You Like Everyday Else

2009-09-19T00:37:00.003+08:00

Hadn't had much to post

GForce 3D was pretty okay
watched it at illuma, the cinema was not as great as i expected though, Flimgarde movies are quite expensive i reckon...

Previously bought 2 shirts from bugis and pennisula respectively, still need to get some polo n tees, perhaps shoes and a backpack...

Really stumped on the subject of work, i want to work yet, i can't find a work, even if i find a place to work, i'm too shy to ask for the job... The Recoil job beared no fruits i suppose...

I kinda know that i'm losing out but there isn't much i could do against that innocent attitude with that contrasting face, yet i'm the total opposite, innocent appearence yet contrasting attitude...

Facebook Keeps kicking me out for god knows what reason

Listening to Touch My Hand, A Little Too Not Over, Crush by David Archuleta these days along with So Sick - Neyo and Thinking Of You - Katy Perry...

Didn't see or talk to her or even try to contact her for quite a period of time but i'm drained yet i know this is supposed to be the norm...

Seriously Craving For Prata

2009-09-12T18:23:00.002+08:00

Went Cathay to watch Dance Flick which was quite horrible actually, it wasn't exactly funny, there wasn't exactly a story and it was only 80mins... or maybe luckily it was only80 mins? $6 wasted..

Then went wandering about from dhoby ghaut to orchard after a quick lunch at nishi mura with shengyao and yanhua.. 3pm-8pm of walking about ion, and everywhere else...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just can't forget you
with immerse efforts
to push as to shun
only to fail and prevail

Sinned within innately
slightly and slowly
take me away tenderly
from which i attract constantly

Dissuading added on rejection
all harping against my affection
little and little chained to dejection
devouring the heart section by section

Consumed with fear
knowledge of impossibility
accustomed to failure
for my flawless imperfection

2009-09-09T00:32:00.002+08:00

I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA WORK... it appears that i've been rotting rotting and nothing else but decomposing at home...

Today went to lunch at Hougang mall with mum and bro at Ichiban...
then after that, as we walked around, a lady of about 40-50 approached us, initating and convincing me and my brother to go for a blood test, to find out what type is our bone marrow, and if there is a match, we could be the only donor that could save the life of the patient..

they kinda used a clip to puncture a hole in the left thumb then just squeeze some blood out on the paper.., it isn't really pain i guess, its more of irritating and annoying sting..

It got me thinking.. How great would it be, to just meet a stranger that you could be the salvation for, and simply greet them, thanking you rentlessly, and inside you would probably swell up in pride and self-respect... Yet would you dare to be the salvation of someone you wouldn't even know..

2009-09-08T10:17:00.000+08:00

You wake up, in a dream
you realize, something you hadn't
you figured out the desire
you reflect rentlessly
to acknowledge or repulse

2009-09-07T23:38:00.002+08:00

Dinner with half of the 4e08 and Ms Tan, THANK YOU FOR THE TREAT MISS TAN!..
i think we ripped her off, $344.++ at Orchard's Sakura
was bloated and sprawled all over the table...

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Perhaps You were always right
Maybe I was wrong to ward it off

2009-08-30T23:26:00.003+08:00

Watched Year One the other day, 3rd movie of the week, my wallet has plasters on them.. it was alright i guess, lame till funny kinda flim.. 3/5?

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Maybe when you look back in your memories, deep inside somewhere, you knew a person, which started off from a stranger who you never thought you would know, and slowly with time as judge, you became close friends with, as you got closer, you might think that you know this person well, but in actual fact you don't... That very stranger that became your good friend, you slowly get repulsed and irritated with that friend of yours, and slowly you find that you unconsciously reject your friend that reluctantly tries to amend, but no, you don't ease up, you badger that friend even more, every word you deny and every action you brush away.. then you find the distance slowly enlarging, theres this barrier that momentally formed after your constant signs of avoidance, then uncomfortness kicks in, then you find the relationship fades away, and slowly you distant.. you cannot see it but that very person is human too, he feels the hurt from your constant reprimandation for being himself.. then you find yourself being shunned by that very person you shut away... and in the future, you find might possibly find yourself haunted with regrets and try to make amendments, but a broken relationship needs more than you can even give, even if you managed, it'll never be the perfect feeling in the past

2009-08-27T13:27:00.002+08:00

Midnight Fantasy

i'm sure i speak for more than one person other than myself, but the reason, the truth of why we stay up late into the night or early into the morning, is not just because we don't want the day to end but the looming darkness that present itself upon us, sparkles an undeniably charm, a jewel of self reflection, self pity, self deception, self fantasy, self interaction is born within us during this period of time, it strangely makes us think even clearer than usual, it rings a tune in our mind and heart, a tune of escaping, its a moment where you're alone and you feel like its another world, a world of peace and serenity, a world where it is truly yours... and with these reasons, we're enstrangled and enticed into the midnight fantasy

2009-08-25T22:48:00.002+08:00

Maybe i've been trying too hard
trying too hard to love you

Perhaps i've been trying so long
to never let you go

So much that
its possible that i've already did...

It might be that i've succumb to my fate
maybe a few steps too late
trapping myself in delusions
with all the deceiving illusions.

I tried with my heart
but reciprocate isn't what i expected
i know, yet its too difficult to part
before i knew it, i'm already infected

Maybe i've had one look too much
maybe its a stab too painful
perhaps its too much for me to judge
perhaps i've already been too sinful

2009-08-25T10:54:00.003+08:00

Saturday was a cousin outing night, went to ps, walked around, had dinner and went for beancurd then home...thanks inez,jackie,jj for treats..

Sunday was another busy day, went for my cousin baby's full month shower... the baby was so tiny and till i can figure out how to upload the photo from my phone since my bluetooth doesn't work, i'll just leave it like this...

Monday comes and at about 2pm i have Principal and Practical of Classroom Management(PPCM), the last piece of exam paper i'll see before going on my 2month break, woke up at about 8:40 and reached school by 10:15 to start studying, i mean start as in start literally.. the paper wasn't that bad i guess, but it seemed unbelievable since the scores given are high for the question and my answer was half a page long... didn't seem that i could obtain good marks...
o well =)
then after exam, went with Rachael,her bf, Kethyln, Hamidah, Rafidah O Ma, Bingxue and Peiqi Nuna to watch ORPHAN! at The Cathay, the story was really nice i reckon, scary meter was okay i think, but scare-able i guess.. 4/5 for me =)
after that to Lao Pa Sar for dinner and Fabulous Cream( city link icecream parafait ) for supper before heading home...
not a bad day at all
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2009-08-21T23:41:00.002+08:00

Whats A Fitting Ending For A Perfect Start..Perhaps thats why its so hard..

Well Thanks Everyone for yesterday (and today) =)

Some Prawning Photo...

2009-08-17T18:35:00.002+08:00

Prawning with SY today, it was a lousy morning to prawn...hardly any prawns. caught 11 prawns, 5 by me 6 by sy.. the boss there gave us 3 extra prawns though..
but 14 prawns for 30dollars isn't worth it..
its okay, wasted efforts just means that it can't be any worse.

Just figured that my shift key is faulty..

Listening to korean songs(2 in particular) for a change, it certainly is catchy...

2009-08-16T11:19:00.002+08:00

A choking feeling
with the lump in my throat
a choice between reeling
or just stagnatly float

A choice to decide
A decision to choose
Moment of folly to fight
or a constrict to loose

in delusion
disregardlessly i suspect
in disbelief
regardlessly i sustain

Fantasy i enveloped
lies i surround
The truth i understood
Yet a fake i chose to live

2009-08-16T01:50:00.002+08:00

Pretential

2009-08-14T00:21:00.002+08:00

Brother's treat to OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE today =D

it was really good, i recommend it thought its alittle pricy and the meat aren't really cooked to our wants, e.g? I ordered Medium Well i got Medium, bro ordered Medium, got Medium Rare..

Finally ITA1 will come to an end tml, presentation will be a piece of cake, i will take it and eat it.

Plans for tml= School for presentation, Outing with Shar,Ther,Pam... Then meet with PQ and Airport to send bro off to Taiwan..

2009-08-13T00:39:00.002+08:00

ITA PBL is pissing off everyone, yet we are still chionging headon..

Anyway, thanks to sister tan(sarah) now i harbor thoughts of opening my cheesecake shop.. details other day =D

~~Wisher Of The Better~~

Wisher Of The Better